Writing Resources from Fifteen Minutes of Fiction

Dell Computer Conspiracy

To Whom It May Concern,

It has come to my attention that your company (Dell Computers, etc) is involved in a terrible conspiracy to take over the world. No, I'm not paranoid, and I don't know how you're doing it, but I assure you, you will not get away with it.

I purchased my new Dell laptop (an Inspiron 1720) a few months ago, and so far I've been quite happy with it (aside from the fact that it had TrendMicro's PC-cillin installed on it - don't get me started on that!). But as I said, I've been quite happy - until this morning.

I woke up, glanced at my bedside clock, stumbled out of bed half asleep, and wandered downstairs to fire up my computer so I could check my email (and maybe do a little bit of creative writing). As I was checking my mail (more spam, as usual!) I happened to glance at the clock in my systray, and saw that it was much later than I thought.

I could have sworn, when I woke up this morning, that my bedside clock said 7:15. But now it's almost 8:30! Surely I didn't take an hour and fifteen minutes to get dressed, get downstairs, fire up my computer, and check my email?

But funny things happen when I'm half asleep, so I shrugged, drank my coffee very fast (burned my throat in the process - and yes, you will be seeing a law suit over that!), and went back upstairs to shower, shave (nicked my face about ten times, I was hurrying so much!), and get ready for church.

It wasn't until I was almost ready to step out the door that I glanced at my wristwatch, and saw that, in fact, now it was only 8:15! What's going on here?

That's when I realized: the clock on my new Dell computer is no longer keeping time properly.

So I sat back down at my computer, reset the clock, and played games at "The Problem Site" for an hour. At last it was time to go to church, so I put my shoes and coat on, and walked down the street to church.

I was appalled, when I walked in the door, to discover that the church service was already half over!

That's when I realized: the clock on my new Dell computer isn't broken. You guys did it on purpose, and somehow managed to get all my friends and family in on the conspiracy, in order to cause me the embarrassment of walking into church late.

I don't know how you got to them all, and I don't know how you blackmailed them into silence, but I know you did it. Not a one of them will admit that there even was a conspiracy, but that just proves how effective your blackmail was.

You may think you've won, but trust me, this isn't over. You may expect a lawsuit coming soon. Burnt throat, nicked face, and emotional distress - it's all in there. And if you think I'll lose this lawsuit, let me just remind you of one thing...

This is America.

Sincerely,
A very unhappy customer

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