Writing Resources from Fifteen Minutes of Fiction

Human Nature Gets the Best of Me

When the phone rang I was right in the middle of programming an update for one of my web sites. "Hello?" I said.

There was a long pause. I said again, "Hello?"

After another lengthy pause I heard, "Hello, is Mr. Tweechell there?"

"Mr. who?"

"T - W - I - T - C - H - E - L - L"

"Hm," I said, "How do you pronounce that?"

"I don't know."

"Maybe 'Twitchell'?" I suggested.

"Yes, yes! Doog Tweechell!"

"Well, who is this?" I asked.

"I am from Deesh Networks, I wonder if I can take two meenutes of your valuable time."

"Valuable time is right," I said, "you have no idea how valuable it is." I pulled out my Windows Calculator and began clicking numbers. "Did you know that in the industry we estimate that every technical support call costs $30.00? And since you call my tech line at least five times per week, that works out to just under eight thousand dollars per year!"

"Yes," Mr. Deesh said, "but I am trying to tell you how you can save your hard earned money..."

"Holy Smokes!" I said, "You can save me eight thousand dollars per year?"

"No, no, Mr. Tweechell, but we will save you your hard earned money."

"But you've already wasted about eight thousand of my money - will I get that money back?"

"You will save lots of your hard earned money."

"That's great, because I was thinking of billing you guys out at $30.00 per call."

"That eesn't necessary."

"So, I will save that much money? That's great, because my current service costs much less than 8000 per year, so you guys are actually going to pay me to use your service?"

After a long pause I heard, "What?"

I said, "How much are you going to pay me to use your service?"

"No, Mr. Tweechell, I just have to ask you. Are you using cable or Satellite?"

"Yes."

There was another long pause. Then, "Sir, are you using cable or satellite?"

"Yes, I am."

"Sir, do you use cable?"

"Well, my computer is attached to the outlet by a cable."

"And how much does that cost?"

"Well, it came with the computer. Since then I haven't paid a dime for it."

Once again Mr. Deesh had nothing to say for a few seconds. Finally he asked, "You get cable for free?"

"That surprises you?" I asked.

He began to answer me, but I was tired of this conversation, so I said, "Oh, look! Your two meenutes are up! Thanks for calling."

The phone call ended with a very weak, "Thank you, Mr. Tweechell," from the far reaches of India.

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