Writing Resources from Fifteen Minutes of Fiction

Class Action Suit against Santa Claus

Dear Mr. Claus,

Thank you for your reply to my previous letter; you were quite correct that my client, Mr. James Woodrill, was not giving me an accurate portrayal of events leading up to and including your refusal of employment.

Mr. Woodrill is no longer my client.

I am contacting you now because I am filing a class action suit against Claus Enterprises. Members of my class action suit include every citizen of the United States of America. You are being sued on two counts of slander, including referring to my clients collectively as both "ignorant" and "arrogant". This kind of vicious slander cannot be perpetrated without repercussions.

In addition, I also represent the United States government which is bringing suit against you for unlawful entry into our country. By your own admission, you are not a citizen of this great country, yet you repeatedly pass within the borders of our nation with neither passport nor visa. You are considered to be a grave security risk and persona non grata.

Regards,
J. M. Shrew
Loveless, Hateful & Shrew



Dear Mr. Shrew,

That's it! I've had it! I am fed up to here with your country's bereaucratic nonsense and constant lawsuits! Every last citizen of your ridiculous nation has been added to my naughty list. And government officials have been added twice!

Merry Christmas,
Santa Claus
Claus Enterprises CEO




Top Secret Memorandum
From: N. R. Graham (A.K.A. J. M. Shrew)
To: James Woodrill, Stan Dard, Smokey Bhaer, Xavier K. Williams
Re: Operation Christmas Stocking

My congratulations to each one who participated in this year's Top Secret Operation Christmas Stocking. Through the collective hard work and determination of each of our agents, we have once again brought the operation to a successful conclusion. Attached you will find a facimile of Mr. Claus' final response to me. Please note the concluding line of his letter: Every last citizen of your ridiculous nation has been added to my naughty list. And government officials have been added twice!

Once again our national energy crisis has been averted; it's time to hang the Christmas stockings and power up those old coal burning plants again!

With warm regards,
N.R.G.
Operation Christmas Stocking

More writing by this author

Blogs on This Site