Writing Resources from Fifteen Minutes of Fiction

Fire Marshall Contacts Santa Claus

Dear Mr. Claus,

I have been a huge fan of yours for many years - ever since I got that bicycle I wanted when I was seven years old. As someone who is a fan, it gives me no pleasure to inform you that, in my capacity as a fire marshall, I have been notified by OSHA that your toy factory may not conform to building and fire codes.

I suspect (knowing those OSHA folks as I do) that they reported this to me as a way of getting even with you for something...maybe you didn't give them bicycles when they were kids? At any rate, much as I hate this, since I have received a report of non-compliance, I do need to investigate it.

I will be bicycling north the day after tomorrow in order to do an on-site inspection of your facilities.

Regards,
Smokey Bhaer
Fire Marshall

PS - I surely would love to have a motorcycle to drive back home!



Dear Mr. Bhaer,

I am pleased you liked the bicycle so much (and are still using it so many years later!) Please be careful of the snow drifts you'll hit; once you get to northern Canada you won't believe how deep the snow gets!

There are two things I need to make you aware of.

First, we have no fire exits, no sprinklers, no fire alarms, or any of the other things you'll be looking for on your visit. My toy factory is protected by elf-magic, so we have no need of such things.

Second, regarding your PS, I would like to point out to you how inappropriate it is for an inspector to be asking for gifts from an inspectee. Some might construe this as an invitation to bribery. I will be keeping your original letter on file - just for "safe keeping", of course.

Merry Christmas!
Kris Kringle
Claus Enterprises, CEO

More writing by this author

Blogs on This Site