Writing Resources from Fifteen Minutes of Fiction

Credit Card Fraud

Dear MasterCard Inc.,

Two weeks ago I was watching Survivor when the phone rang. When I answered, it was a recorded message: "This is credit card services, and we'd like to help protect your credit card from fraud. Please press one to speak to an operator."

Well, I've always been a bit nervous about identity theft and credit card fraud, and since nothing interesting was happening on Survivor I decided to press one. After waiting on hold for about five minutes (during which nothing continued to happen on Survivor), the operator came on and said, "Thank you for your interest in our services. May I help you?"

I said, "Thanks for calling. I didn't catch your company name..."

After a long pause he said, "Excuse me, what?"

"What's your company name?" I repeated.

There was another pause, then: "Oh, we service both MasterCard and Visa clients."

Now it my turn to pause. "That's not what I asked," I said finally.

"Oh," the operator said, "What did you ask?"

"Your company name?"

"Well, I'll tell you. I'm very happy to let you know that we have several special services designed to protect you from scam artists and online crooks. Many of our satisfied clients have saved tens of thousands by using our services. Does that interest you?"

"Oh yes," I said; the thousands of saved dollars temporarily distracted from the fact that he didn't give me his company name.

"Alright, let's get started. What's your name?"

I told him my name, then said, "Say, do you guys have a website?"

"Um, yes we do. Now, do you have MasterCard? Visa?"

"MasterCard," I said. "So what's your web address?"

"Oh, I'm sorry. I'm just an operator. I don't have that information. Now, what's your address?"

I gave him my address. But that made me think of something. "Hey," I said, "Can you give me your company's mailing address?"

"Oh, no, sir. This is just a call center. I don't have that information. Now, I just need your CreditCard number so we can finish this up."

So, I gave him my credit card number, and after a few more questions he thanked me for my time and hung up.

Then last week I received a call from someone named Geoff Williams at MasterCard, telling me that someone has used my credit card to purchase five thousand four hundred twenty seven cans of Planters honey roasted peanuts. I assured them that such fraud couldn't possibly be perpetrated against me, and explained to them about my my phone conversation with the anti-fraud people.

Would you please tell Mr. Williams to stop laughing and hang up the phone?

Sincerely,
An irate card holder who's still on hold

More writing by this author

Blogs on This Site